Making Your House Your Home

I love to create things, make things my own, or simply mess around with something until it suites my taste. I’ve always been one to tinker with things. I think this has come in handy as I have gotten married and we have come to make our house our home.

We were both raised in very different family homes. His family is small. My family is kind of big, six kids in total; yes, all from my parents. His family is active in our faith and most of my family is not. The age differences in his siblings is large and mostly in my family they are small. Simply stated, there are more differences than similarities. That’s where the tinkering comes in handy. 

President Kimball gave some pointers regarding the family relationships. His suggestions are to confide in and counsel with your spouse, establish your own household and any counsel from outside sources should be considered by both spouses prayerfully. (Harper) I agree completely with these statements in my newly wedded state. As our contrasting family upbringing brings up lots of conversation we rely on our ability to communicate openly and to confide in one another. The time that we take to tinker with our thoughts and to talk out our feelings are well worth the effort it takes. 

There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to setting up your first home. Should the bed go here? Or here? What about over there? It took us about 8 tries to figure out just where everything should go in just our bedroom. Creating your own home away from your family allows you and your spouse time to open up and expand the everyday reality for one another. When you are dating you typically don’t see the dirty dishes in the sink or the pile of dirty laundry on the floor. That becomes a different story when you establish your own home.

I love the principle of counseling prayerfully together the counsel of others. I think that most everyone, married and not married has some sort of ideas to share with you when you start to consider getting married. You always should consider the source, odds are someone who you have hardly spoken too won’t really give you advice that is as applicable to you as your own mother or even best friend. The sources close to you, at least in my case, matter to me. 

When we got married we had “Advice Cards” on the tables at our open house and reception. Once we got home and unpacked we were able to read through these counsels. It was an awesome time to consider the source and speak about what we think we should be doing in regards to each particular counsel. Some were easily applicable, “always kiss your spouse goodbye when leaving for work.” Some were a little more complex, literally, someone did some complex math problems that were way over our heads. Even just taking the time to consider the advice helped us to establish what our home would be like. 

As we have come together to confide in one another, establish our own space and to consider the counsel of others we have made our house our home. We have taken the time to seek understanding from the Spirit to understand each other and the will of Father in Heaven. These are wise words and I would like to share them with the world.

Resources

Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.

Vitamin N

I was raised in a home, which regularly practiced the use of the word, "no." That’s not to say that I was never given anything and that I had no fun in my life as a child- quite the opposite actually. My parents were unified and set limitations and expectations for us kids and when we failed to meet them we were often met with a “no” in regards to what our wants were.
My parents were the “executive committee” who met together and made the rules. I remember as a youth knocking on my parent’s door and being met with silence- they never even acknowledged my knocks. This would frustrate me and so I would walk in. Upon walking in my parents were found kneeling in prayer about decisions that we as a family were in the process of making. They were unified with the Lord in the leadership in our family home and this was the foundation for our family and I think it should be for all families.
As decisions were made by the parental units, we would then hold a family counsel meeting, usually prior to the occasional family home evening. We would meet as a family and our parents would petition us children about their expectations for us. There were rules regarding times to be home during the week, during the weekend, when sleep-overs were allowed, a timeline for when chores were considered late, etc. As each rule was given to us it was our responsibility to figure out what our consequences would be if we were to break the rule. Often times we, as children, would committee around making a lenient consequence for a rule that the older children would break often in hopes it would stick. But our parents, knowing the frequent rule breakers would not allow it. Many times over the years when it came time to choose to break a rule or follow it I was faced with the trust that my parents showed to us as we made the rules and that helped influence my decision making.
On the occasion that we would break a rule and wanted to participate in something fun or have one of our wants met we were met by Vitamin M. (Rosemond). “This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language-“No”” This helped create a method of self-control in us children. We were able to be a part of the rule making process, determine our consequences and be held to them by loving parents who had our upbringing at heart. Sometimes this isn’t the case parents, “give them (children) far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need.”
As parents meet together and make decisions together with the Lord, allow children to participate in family counsels and trust them enough to make decisions regarding consequences the family is unified. Once a family is unified in expectations and someone breaks those expectations and is met with a “no” the unit learns self-control for the next experience. 

The Marital Poop Detector and How to Install

When you get married there are so many decisions to be made, dreams to be shared, ideas to create and hopes to achieve. All of these areas leave room for disagreements and overall discord within your new marriage. A lack of communication about these; even in established marriages, plague couples with perpetual problems and miscommunications. Gottman describes what he calls a “Marital Poop Detector”- that acts as, “a built-in early-warning system that lets you know when your marital quality is in jeopardy.” This detector helps marriages detect discord before it becomes an all out war. (Gottman)

It is important to consider the expectations you have for your marriage with your spouse as well as considering the needs of yourself in marriage. Gottman discovered through his research that the marriages with the greatest expectations for their marriage usually ended up with the highest-quality marriages. So the key here is not to lower your expectations to meet the expectations of others but to help you and your spouse meet the high expectations because it is worth it. 

It is most important to be your spouse’s best friend. Consider now, your relationship with your very best friend who knows everything about you. Conversely you know everything about them correct? This idea of friendship needs to spill into our marriages to help them remain strong. I believe that this is a key to maintaining a healthy marital relationship. When you think there is something off in your friendship with your best friend you call them out and find out what is bothering them. This is the same advice that a couple from Gottman’s study used to keep their marriage together in rocky times. “When her husband gets cranky or withdrawn, she calls him on it and finds out what’s wrong.” Most often it’s the wife but there isn’t a rule explaining only women can do it.

Often times in my marriage  lately I have been stressed out to the max. I’m working full time; close to 50 hours a week, going to school online, in summer taking 9 credits and teaching both relief society and the 13 year old Sunday school class with my husband. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now to

say the least. My husband is a good example of calling me on my crap. If ever I am stressed and he feels a disturbance in our usual banter he always pats the seat, bed, chair next to him and tells me, “Come tell me about your day, it will only take a couple minutes.” This time that he takes from his busy schedule also working and doing school allows us to be there for eachother despite not always agreeing on what is needed.

The Marital Poop Detector is a sensor that can be developed in a marriage as couples remain friends and call one another on the discord that is sometimes felt. No matter the situation as couples, being a friend and seeking that understanding with one another allows the distress of problems to leave and the stress to leave the relationship strengthened rather than broken.

References:

• Gottman, John Mordechai.Silver, Nan. (1999) The seven principles for making marriage work /New York : Crown Publishers,

Agency and Consecration

Webster defines choice as, “the act of choosing: the act of picking or deciding between two or more possibilities.” (Webster) Consecrate is also defined as, “to make or declare sacred.” This week I learned that these two elements are crucial in creating a successful marriage. We need to make the choices that allow us to consecrate our marriage even in the seemingly minuscule situations.

In marriage there are many issues that come up and can turn in to areas of difficulty for spouses. John Gottman describes two types of problems that plague marriages today; solvable and perpetual problems. Perpetual problems are those that are unmovable, neither party gives in and there is sort of a stalemate. These problems often do not change, they are the same argument at the four-year follow-up in Gottman’s experiments. These consist of 69% of marital conflicts. (Gottman) These are thankfully not the problems that will ruin your marriage. In fact Gottman described these problems that plague marriages as overwhelming but, “they’ve learned to keep them in their place and approach them with a sense of humor.” Solvable problems are those issues that are less painful, gut-wrenching or intense. With Gottman’s advise these problems should be met with a soft start up, use repair attempts, be sure you don’t flood each other, learn to compromise and become more tolerant of each other’s imperfections. Simply stated we need to make the choice what problems are going to be sustained and that which we are willing to compromise on. We have the choice and need to use it in caring ways in our marriages. 

Lynn G. Robbins describes the choices we have thanks to agency and how we must choose not to be angry. “Angression.. suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. “We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” The places in which we set our frustrations are those sore spots we need to be aware of and apply more active use of our gift of agency. We do not need to be angry with one another because of a situation we are going through. We should place those feeling and learn to understand them in the context in which we are experiencing. This allows us to make better choices for our betterment as well as practicing our own self-control.

When we put the advise from Gottman and Robbins together in practice in our marriage the little problems do not matter as much and we are able to work through issues better. While putting these ideas into practice I have realized that I am in control of my emotions and not the other way around. Just because my husband follows Nancy’s ideal of squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube, doesn’t mean I need to choose to lose control every time I go to brush my teeth after him. (Goddard) While practicing my agency to avoid anger and focusing on the point of the discussion we are going through I have noticed a heightened sense of unity in our marriage. We do not frustrate each other and we are more together spiritually than before. We feel that effect of consecration described in, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage” as, “We give everything we have and are. And we ask God to increase our capacity so that we can give yet more.”

References:

• https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/choice?src=search-dict-hed
• Gottman, John Mordechai.Silver, Nan. (1999) The seven principles for making marriage work /New York : Crown Publishers,
• Ahttp://www.clipartpanda.com/categories/choice-clipart

Pride and the Plan of Salvation

President Benson explains that this sin of pride is what brings about the destructions of people. He warns us to, “beware of pride.” Pride has many synonyms; self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, haughtiness, competition for men’s approval (as opposed to God’s approval), disobedience, selfishness, self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, self-seeking, secret combinations, contention, arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, easily offended, grudge holder, forgiveness withholder, and defensiveness. (Benson) When you take all of these into consideration; pride is everywhere and as President Benson stated, “there is no such thing as righteous pride-it is always considered a sin.” Consider for a moment yourself; think of a time when one of the adjectives above described you personally. In these moments we are thinking as “me” not “we”.

We need to evaluate why we do the things we do in order to overcome pride. “Our motives for the things we do are where the sin is manifest.” When we constantly compare ourselves to others are we doing these things because we are better than them? When our spouse has success do we boast to the world because we are acknowledging the Lord’s hand or because they are awesome? When we take a second to determine the why we can identify our problem spots but why must we stumble?

President Benson’s talk continues and it drives my mind to the Plan of Salvation. God wanted us to become like Him so he devised a plan that would allow us to do this. We were to come to earth, gain a body, find faith, live right, die, and return to Him after having gained experience.  As this plan was presented two individuals came up and volunteered to help in the retrieval of God’s children; us. The first was the Adversary and he wanted God’s glory. Christ fulfilled this role and gave the glory to God. Thankfully we are all in this position together. We all have struggles with sin and with pride; because we know this and recognize it we are able to forgive one another, especially in Marriage.

While thinking of Pride and its major role as a stumbling block in our lives it took my mind to the Plan of Salvation. Now I know Jesus Christ is why the plan actually functions, because without Him we could never return to our Father in Heaven. That is fact and doctrine; but as I have considered my own growth I have noticed that it is in trials and troubles that I develop the most. I am forced to make changes and adapt to less than ideal situations and with faith take steps forward. It is in those moments that you realize you are growing and you become thankful for your trials. Which lead to conversations about how without the Adversary we would not grow. We needed someone to fulfill that role as well so that we can use our agency to choose to come back to God. As we discussed these things it occurred to me that we need both the good and the bad to grow, we need Christ and His Atonement just as we need the Adversary and his trials.

Now pride is sin and sin is what keeps us from God. As we come to realize our problems with pride we are able to better determine our decisions and become better from them because of the Plan of Salvation and Christ’s Atonement. 

References:

Benson, E. T. (1989, May). Beware of Pride. Ensign.
Plan of Salvation Visual Aid Handout. (2015, March 17). Retrieved from https://sistergomm.wordpress.com/2015/01/17/plan-of-salvation-visual-aid/

Making a House a Home

When I was a child my family home was created on paper by my parents and an Uncle who was an architect. It gained walls as our ward family came and helped us hold things in place. The truss for the roof was put up by trained professionals but we put up the shingles. We also did the drywalling, the texture on the walls, painting, carpeting, window installations and cabinet installs. Together as a team we built our house and in return our house building experience built our home and our family unit.

(Google) This is my house but from google as I can't find pictures of building it right now.

As the old adage goes, “measure twice; cut once”. The same principle applies to marriage relationships. Doctrine and Covenants 64:33 states, “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceeded that which is great.” As we put these two thoughts together it is clear that the little things matter in a relationship that is meant to be the foundation for societal units. 

With so many different ideals and gimmicks tearing families apart it is important to focus your effort on staying connected by turning toward each other as a couple. Gottman suggests that couples should turn toward each other instead of away. He gives plenty of ideas on how to do this but it is usually in the mundane topics of discussion like a boat outside that reminds you of a trip you once took. These topics allow couples to remember fonder times and reminisce while also building on their mutual trust, “A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life” (Gotmann), who wouldn’t like more of all of those in their relationships? It’s as simple as taking the time, for the little things and recognizing efforts of your spouse just as the above scripture relates, it’s in the little things that great things happen.

While considering the potential a family has to make an impact on the world it is clear to see that God had a plan when instituting marriage. Two people; whom are raised by completely different family situations come together with a promise to make their own unit. Each person brings a different light and a different load of opinions onto the drawing board. Husband and wife consider together the pros and cons about how they themselves were raised and decide what is best for their family. This is what I consider “measuring twice”. Even though my parents are divorced and have been for a few years I still consider the way that they raised me helpful in my new role as wife and someday in the future as mother. Together with my husband, we measure that which is of worth in our upbringing. We then measure what ideas we have together and consider what is best for our future family. Once we have measured twice we are now ready to cut. We decide the template for our family and cut the blueprints by establishing rules, routines and consistency. (Steinberg)

 References

Gottman, John Mordechai.Silver, Nan. (1999) The seven principles for making marriage work /New York : Crown Publishers,

Steinberg, L. D. (2004). The ten basic principles of good parenting. New York ; Toronto: Simon & Schuster.

Google. (n.d.). [Google Maps 878 North 4200 West, Parowan, UT, 84761]. Retrieved August 22, 2015 from https://www.google.com/maps/place/878+4200+W,+Parowan,+UT+84761/@37.8581744,-112.921964,3a,75y,86.91h,90t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sGkX1Jc3g3-IwKcDRS_XJ0Q!2e0!7i13312!8i6656!4m5!3m4!1s0x80b543430826e855:0x78ca5235a97ae32d!8m2!3d37.8582268!4d-112.9207593 

Decisions- A Way to Learn How to Love Better

          Married or just live together? White dress or colored dress? Sleeves or no sleeves? Where will we live? Who will work? Will we both work? Pets or no pets? Apartment or house? Kids or no kids? When should we start having kids? Etc. etc. 

          The list of questions requiring answers could go on forever when dealing with taking a relationship to the next level. As your relationship develops and you start having kids the amount of decisions only get more involved and more wanting of you. This week I learned that it is crucial to our relationships, married or not, to work on understanding each other. 

In John Gottman’s Book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work” he described what he calls love maps. A love map is Gottman’s term for “the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” (Gottman, J.) He compares the bilblical term for sexual love is to “know” and shows that this love map is how we do this. 

In his book, Gottman gives us various activities to help us understand our love map. Together with my spouse we have completed a few of these tasks. As we recently exited the dating stage and moved on to dating we are pretty familiar with the ins and outs of each other’s lives. The activities didn’t strike us as too involved.

Once we moved into chapter 5, “Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration” we felt our love develop a little further as we completed, the “I appreciate” activity and “Cherishing Your Partner”. (Gottman, J) With a hectic week we had to set aside specific time for both of these. In doing so the time was set apart from any distractions and really made the experience special. These activities helped us to remember how important we are to one another and to just feel the love that we have for one another.

            While we completed the “I Appreciate” activity, it was just as Gottman described in his Love Lab, “Couples who began the session sitting stiffly and awkwardly suddenly relax. The room fills with laughter.” As my husband and I began going through these we sat together looking at my Ipad trying to determine which five were appropriate for us. We started with some funny ones like, “Thanks for being such a great mom.” We have no children or even pets for that matter. We joked about it a bit as I complemented him taking the kids to the pediatrician. We laughed and it became silly for a while as we read through the ones that didn’t really apply to us but we acted as if they were real complements. Once we began the conversation of ones that really applied we nestled into each other and settled there. We showed our appreciation with our words but our body language changed as the conversation became more personal. We were able to feel the admiration of one another through the words yes, but also through the way we were able to connect physically.

            The “Cherishing Your Partner” (Gottman, J) activity was much of the same. As we individually wrote the list and thought “I am really lucky to be with my partner.” I realized how I could not be accomplishing the many things I am without his love and support. It just would not be possible. The list of ten traits quickly became a letter of way more than that. Thinking positive thoughts about your spouse truly leads to a deeper appreciation for them. As we read our letters to each other it was a special moment where what we perceived as weakness were recognized strengths by the other. Through completing this activity we learned how important it is to recognize the appreciation we have for one another in order to support each other’s efforts to become better people.

References:

Gottman, J. M. (Ed.). (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.). New York: Three Rivers Press.

From Me to We- Strengthening The Family

This week has been an interesting one. I feel like I have read too many statistics to keep straight in my mind but, I do know that the family has been under attack and continues to be under attack. The myths about family life were proof of this. The idea that we have lost our extended family made me sad as my husband and I recently returned from a trip to visit my grandparents as my grandpa is dying, I cannot imagine life without him as he has always been my special friend. It makes me laugh that people still believe that opposites attract. This is true with magnets but even their attraction overtime is weakened. In order to create solid families we need to find a mate who has similar beliefs and goals so that we are working together towards the same goal instead of the opposite direction. 

Many of the common beliefs about marriage and family living are wrong. The changes from traditional values like that of abstinence before marriage, having children in wedlock, to the much more liberal views of accepting premarital sex as the norm, having children out of wedlock and cohabitation undermines the eternal nature of the family. Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother have set forth the pattern of families in the eternities. It has been in practice since before we were on this earth as just intelligences. As these common beliefs resonate more with people the adversary is thwarting Heavenly Father’s plan for us. It is sickening to me that it is as simple as making a generation more acceptable of immorality that puts His plan on it’s head statistically. How can we strengthen the marriages already in place and help prepare future generations for the commitment that is marriage and family living?

In order to strengthen marriages and family living and to prepare the future generations for marital commitments I think it is crucial to teach/learn cooperation. My siblings and I all participated in school sports teams and in music through marching band. These simple organizations helped us to learn how to work together for a common goal and change the “me” mindset to the “we” mindset as described in our readings this week. What are way’s in which you were raised that helped facilitate the “we” mindset instead of the me?

Will you have eyes to see, What heaven see's in you?

Attacks on the Family and Why We Defend

As I consider the sensitive subject of legalizing gay marriages I think of a song called, "What Heaven Sees in You" by Mindy Glendhill. They are as follows:

Sent to this earth

You were saved through the ages for this day and time.

Child of great worth,Pure and holy,

In a little white dress.

You were held in a circle and you were blessed.

And the father looked down,

And the angels surrounded that place.

They knew the truth,

All that you could do.

And you will to,

If you have eyes to see,

What heaven see's in you.

Dressed in white once more,

Making promises to follow in God's way.

So much lies in store,

For the little girl who enters at the gate.

Pure and holy,

In little white dress.

You were led into the water and you were blessed.

And the father looked down,

And the angels surrounded that place.

They knew the truth,

All that you could do.

And you will to,

If you have eyes to see,

What heaven see's in you.

Do you understand who you are?

Part of the father lives in you!

And if you continue on this path,

Every promise God has given will come true.

Heaven on earth.

In the house of God,

So much fills your heart and mind.

Woman of great worth,

Woman of promise daughter of the divine.

Pure and holy,

In long white dress.

You were promised forever and you are blessed.

And the father looks down,

And the angels surround that place.

They know the truth,

All that you can do.

And you do to,

Cause you have eyes to see,

What heaven see's in you.

Will you have eyes to see,

What heaven see's in you?

Sure this song has many references that people outside of my particular religion and church do not completely understand but the essentials shine through to me. Angels in heaven know the good that we are capable of and are right there waiting for us, coaching us along so that we can become all that we are promised to become with God's help. As we come to a crossroad when we have a tough decision to make I hope that we can take a minute or two pray and ask God for angels to guide our way.

This weeks reading assignments were difficult for me. I felt like I was reading things that were completely foreign with words like “certiorari” and “dissenting”. It put me in the position of discovering the reasoning behind my own opinion, which was difficult. I felt like I could relate to the petitioners in Obergefell v Hodges and their reasoning for wanting a family of their own and to take care of their children and to have a partnership in a spouse. As I felt that I felt like I was betraying my faith as I know homosexuality is not the way to eternal life. It was a weird conundrum as my heart felt like it was against my faith while reading the beginning of the supreme court ruling. Thankfully that feeling didn’t last long as I read Elder Russell M. Nelson’s speech, “Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage”. Marriage is ordained of God, it is the way by which we are granted eternal life and we need to stand up for what is right.

As I read the petitioners stories about why they were petitioning for marriage as homosexual people their pleas became my pleas. I want to have a spouse that I can rely on and to be a spouse unto whom someone can rely. I want my future children to be well taken care of if something tragic were to become of me or my spouse. These were the reasons they shared for wanting to become married. My heart also yearns for those but in a non homosexual way. As I continued reading and read that they do not want to undermine marriage but, “want the enduring importance of marriage” (Obergefell et al) They saw marriage as a profound commitment with privilege and responsibilities. That is where my testimony took hold of my heart. As quoted in the Book of Saint Matthew, “Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” We must follow the doctrine we know to be correct despite the pleas of that which is wrong.

Elder Nelson woke my heart further with this quote, “Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad.” The choice is not mine to make. I owe it to my future children to make the choices to raise them in a family setting with a mother and father. As Elder Nelson continues, “Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage. We cannot yield. History is not our judge. A secular society is not our judge God is our judge.” I do not want to be on the receiving end of those judgments as they will hurt. I have a testimony of the eternal nature of the family and of God’s plan for His children. We are responsible to defend the truth we know in all circumstances. It may not be the popular thing to do but it is what is required of us from the Lord. “Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared to be immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God.” As His disciples we are responsible to stand up for the eternal perspective we have of our identities and our responsibilities as His children.

Nelson, R. M. (2014). Defenders of marriage. Unpublished manuscript. 

Obergefell Et Al. v. Hodges, Director, Ohio
Department of Health, Et Al.
Certiorari to the United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit, (Supreme Court 2015). 

What Are Your Keys For?

Have you ever really looked for something? Like your keys- you search your house! You make sure to search the usual, “I always put them right here” spot.



When they aren’t there you be sure to check the "sometimes over there"spot.

Which resorts to checking the pants on the floor or in the laundry basket from yesterday spot

and finally think you’ve found them! 

I know it’s Wednesday but they have to be in the church bag used on Sunday for Sunday School.



Discouraged to find them still missing you consider a break down, “Hey Honey?” referencing your spouse, “Have you seen my keys?” Together you think about it, maybe even pray about it, then the search recommences with reignited fervor. I’ve done it a thousand times! Together it’s easer to find things.

This parable came to mind as I considered standing for truth in marriage. I’m not here to tell you what is right or what is wrong. I just have learned that it is important to stand for something and to pick those “somethings” together. 

While in school as a single student it is easy to take a few minutes before the beginning of the semester and decide your own goals and expectations for the semester. It’s a simple lined piece of paper with a couple jotted lines of what you want to accomplish this semester and maybe a few bullet points on how to make it happen. Once you get married it gets a little more complicated.

Ideally you come together with your lined papers and compare goals and expectations. I’m happy to relate that didn’t happen when Josh and I got married. I had some goals scribbled in my brain and maybe a couple notes in an app on my I-pad. He had lots of goals written on his eyelids as he slept that never really made it to paper. Before marriage actually we purchased a book entitled, “300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage.” Written by Shannon L. Alder. It helped us to get on the same page before literally sealing the deal.

I believe that it is crucial to a marriage relationship to determine what your key’s are for. As a couple we need to determine what we will stand for and that which is unacceptable by our standards. We need to be sure to make our Father in Heaven a key, His Gospel another key, our marriage one, and future children another for sure. But have you seen my key ring?! I have way more than just four lonely keys. Together through prayer and careful consideration between husband and wife we need to make “my” and “their” goals become “our” goals. After all; we are better together.

Marriage and How to Do it

I'm now currently enrolled in BYU-Idaho's Online program. I'm working full time and taking 3 courses so needless to say, I sleep a little, see my husband a little bit and am reading a ton. The courses I am taking are full of statistics of Marriage, Family Relations and Parenting. Currently two apply but hopefully one day the third will get there. My husband, Josh, and I are preparing as much as we can for the future even though everyone says it won't help. Knowledge is empowering and we are learning all we can until Heavenly Father blesses our little apartment with a new little one.
This blog will become a place where I can write about the things I am learning and share them with my classmates and anyone else who wanders to my little space of the internet.
My husband and I were recently married in the Oakland California LDS temple and It was a beautiful occasion. I've never been one for being overly girly so of course I rocked some velvet converse under my dress. The lesson I learned that day coming out of the temple ladies is this. Try walking in your wedding shoes with your dress before the time when you are walking out newly wedded to tons of family stares. I nearly tripped and spent the whole walk out of the temple laughing as my newly dubbed husband tried to keep me upright. :) Want proof? See below! (notice you can see the bottom of my shoe curled under my dress-trapped by my wedding dress)

Individualized Education Programs

After watching the video on Individualized Educational Programs and thinking a lot about IEPs I realized that that is what life is all about. We go through this life guided by a teacher (The Sprit) who helps us find our way through tests (trials) in order for us to return back to Heavenly Father. We have been given different trials. Each person is unique and the problems they go through help them to become. Once we realize that we are not alone in our struggle and that our teacher wants whats best for us and that our goals will be met if we but continue on; life becomes that much easier. This is the same experience parents of exceptional students need. Our teams of specialists and teachers who work together so that their child will be successful in what they want to do. As such it is our responsibility as future students to be as confident in our students as we are in our own ability to teach. As parents go through difficulties with a subject matter or with some homework their child cannot due yet, it is our responsibility to help them feel just as confident as we are on the Spirit and our Heavenly Father. We are the team those parents rely on and as such we need to be unified and positive in the success of students.

Overcoming Challenges

The central theme of this weeks activities stood out to me to be overcoming challenges together. Through the resolution of the Supreme court case of Brown vs. The Board of Education the world was shown that separate but equal does not mean equality. This spurred a lot of forward momentum for special education and help for those people struggling from physical or mental limitations. As I studied the required materials this week I was reminded of the movie Hidden Figures. The women working for NASA during the 20's when segregation was still roaring. These women had equal facilities as the white men but were still segregated in common areas like coffee pots and restrooms. These limitations were forced upon them and it was a great struggle for them. However as NASA pushed through with their space programs the white men needed the help of these brilliant African American women to be successful. In their selfish need they overlooked how these differences would negatively affect the work flow produced. Once this realization was made and remedied the forward progress of their programs increased tremendously. This is the case that we are all in when it comes to our own struggles. Sometimes we get caught up in our own struggles and never realize the difficulties of another person, who happens to be struggling right along with you. Thankfully the Supreme court cases discussed were focussed outward and helped to establish Special Education organizations to help people to struggle together to succeed instead of working apart to the detriment of all those involved.

Exceptional Students

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for anyone who tries their best to do something. It doesn't matter how simple the task may be for me but how they themselves are feeling. This week I was able to apply some of the talks that we read to a real life situation with my niece. Annabelle has autism and she is a doll! Some days are more difficult then others and it shows on my sisters face. They live in New Zealand and consequently we FaceTime quite frequently. This week on a more trying day I spent time catching my sister up on life as Annabelle jumped on the bed, couch or chair where my sister was talking to me. She had a brief moment of dismay and hopelessness and a few tears were shed. The next day I recalled the talk,  "The Moving of the Water" by President Boyd K. Packer. In his talk he reminds us about perspective and how if we lose our eternal perspective everything will be more difficult. "You parents and you families whose lives must be reordered because of a handicapped one, whose resources and time must be devoted to them, are special heroes. You are manifesting the works of God with every thought, with every gesture of tenderness and care you extend to the handicapped loved one. Never mind the tears nor the hours of regret and discouragement; never mind the times when you feel you cannot stand another day of what is required. You are living the principles of then gospel of Jesus Christ in exceptional purity. and you perfect yourselves in the process." As future teachers I think it is incredibly important to realize the stress that sometimes becomes involved with our exceptional students. Some days will be good and some days will be rougher but as we remind ourselves of their worth and love them just as the Savior loves us everything will work out and all will be uplifted.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1991/04/the-moving-of-the-water?lang=eng

Return on Investment

As a teacher we never know the situation a student comes from or goes home to. The activities from this week helped me to realize many different things. From the Saving Brains video the most important days are the first 1000 days. It is crucial to have children experience positive stimulation, protection and nutrition. These things are necessary for success. Just like Maslow's hierarchy of needs the basics have to be met before development can continue upward. One day at a time makes a difference. As students come into classrooms teachers need to be aware of their students and help intervene when necessary.
The Abuse and Neglect video was eye opening to what the process is when there is a problem with abuse or neglect. I didn't know each state had different specifications for what is proof of abuse or neglect. It is a teachers responsibility to be aware and aid when needed. They need to keep track of situations and notes with the CPS so that they can investigate if necessary.
Whitney Elementary is an awesome place. The principal is dedicated to student success and also success at home. Miss Gahn, the principal- said, "If you do what you do with integrity and intent you will shine." She is an inspiring woman who made a great impact on the children at her school. The hope she has for the children of her school is just like the hope the parents have for their children despite their current situation. The needs of children are universal and since they can meet those needs those students will be successful. This week was rough and I found myself not having enough time to get things done. Today I woke up to a tire on my car with a nail in it and a slow leaking tire. While I was at the car shop, waiting for the repair to be made a few children came in. In the waiting room was a man watching a rated R movie. The children were trying to ignore the TV but there wasn't anything else to do. I asked the man if we could change it to something more appropriate. He said of course and left the room handing me the remote. Upon changing the channel one of the children recognized me from being an aid in their classroom. They didn't want to say anything to the man but they were thankful that I did. Most times it isn't the fault of the children that they suffer but it definitely makes their lives more difficult. As teachers our responsibility is to pay attention, have hope in our students future, and do everything we can to help them be inspired to continue despite their circumstances. When we take the time to invest in our students lives they feel that reassurance that what they are doing is correct and when given that chance the return on that small investment is a new life of learning and confidence.

The Frozen Tundra

Back to the good old frozen tundra it is! Luckily it hasn't snowed much lately! Upon arrival there were two feet of snow on my poor California car and Tori was not too happy to start up! The semester is going strong, two weeks in and still straight A's. I feel like it is going to be a great semester... despite the white frozen stuff. 

Picture Perfect

This weekend has been great! My Best Friend (Brittany) came up to Rexburg to visit me! It's been great to have her here. We started off the 4th, almost immediately after her plane landed with the great opportunity to use my photography skills to photograph our friend's (Bethany) family. It was a great way to start of the 4th of July weekend. With more than 500 pictures taken and wonderful times had; the 4th started with some Perfect Pictures. We picnicked it out by the Snake River in Idaho Falls waiting for the fireworks to begin. Played a few rounds of "Go Fish" with the few random kids who came creeping as we were playing Speed. One little boy couldn't read the big numbers, so I helped him out a bit! The day was great. Then on the 5th, we started out the day with a trip to Monkey Rock. (aka a snow run-off with a little waterfall) That was fun, and now we look like little red Lobsters. Today has been a blast! I feel like Sunday will forever remain as my favorite day of the week. Since it is the first week of the month, it was Fast and Testimony meeting. Since the semester is winding down and many of us are going to be off track next semester, testimony's were shared with thankful hearts for the people around them. This ward really is great with getting to know one another and finding small and simple ways of serving. I have really grown to love this ward. This past week I spent my free time preparing for the photo shoot and preparing a lesson for Relief Society. I was so nervous I just couldn't keep my hands from shaking. Even this morning I was unsure of the absolute outline for my lesson. My mind was just running with Ideas from what I had studied. It was a great relief to have so much participation in class that I was able to follow the Spirit and direct the discussion where others needed it to go. I seriously love teaching! It's something about discussions and marker boards that just gets me excited to share what I have loved learning about!

Here is a sample of this weekend: Enjoy!

View of Sunset from Rexburg Temple

Rexburg Temple

Contrasting Clouds

Creepy Bug

Patriotic Temple

Natural Star

Our Fireworks

Idaho Falls Fireworks